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Please note that GLBT Bookshelf -- the community wiki which was the parent to this fiction blog -- went offline on May 31, 2016, after seven years' service to members.

All Gay Romance will remain online till the end of 2016 in order to give contributors every opportunity to recover materials uploaded here.

Many thanks to all who contributed over the years, and good luck to everyone in your future works!

12.12.09

Cat Flap (short story excerpt)

It has to be said that some people have absolutely no sense of humour. They just can’t see the funny side of anything.
Luke’s boyfriend Trevor was one of those people, or at least Luke currently thought so.
“Come on, Trev. Lighten up. It was a joke. You know ha-ha and all that.”
Alas, Trevor was in Queen Victoria mode.
“Well I’m not amused, not at all.”

Luke sighed, obviously Trev had had a humour bypass operation on the quiet and it had been a complete success. He made his voice as ingratiating as possible. “I’m sorry if I upset you, but it’s not really my fault, not when you think about it. You did say ‘anything’ you did, admit it.”
“Come out from under that bed, you coward, and we’ll discuss the subject of literality face to face.”
“Do I have your assurance that you won’t harm so much as a hair on my chinny-chin-chin?”
“No. I’m going to strangle you. I have the right after what you’ve just done.”
“Then I’m staying put.”
“Fine,” the bed springs creaked ominously and the mattress went down. “I can wait.”
Luke knew that had the bed not been made of solid oak, requiring at least three people to shift it, Trevor would have flung it aside by now and collared him. He tried again to excuse his action. “You’ve hardly spoken a word to me all week. It’s been all work, work, work. You know what they say, all work and no play makes Trevor a dull boy and Luke a bored and fed up one. I just wanted to grab your attention. It was a domestic marketing ploy”
“I’ll ploy you when I get my hands on you.”
“Come on, don’t you think it was just a little bit funny?”
Trevor’s reply was emphatic.
“No.”
“You wouldn’t even have known if I hadn’t told you.”
“Yes, but you did tell me, Luke, so I do know, and I’m not happy about it.”
“You ate it all, so you must have enjoyed it an itsy bit?”
“I ate it all because I was ravenous and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying how disgusting it was.”
Aw, Luke smiled, that was his Trevor, all caring thoughtfulness.
“However, when I lay hands on you I’m going to hurt more than your fucking feelings. I’m going to rip your arms off and beat you to death with the soggy ends.”

Charming! Luke sighed and shifted uncomfortably. He was beginning to feel regretful of his impulsive action. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, a little bit of fun to lift a long dull week and a particularly long dull Saturday. Actually, he admitted the truth to himself. It had been more about vengeful protest than fun. He was seriously pissed off with being ignored and set aside while Trevor gave all his time and attention to the computer and whatever work he was doing on it.

Saturday would be different he had promised. He’d keep it free, for them. Only something had presented itself and once again Luke was left to his own devices and none too pleased about it. The telly was no substitute for real company. He might as well have stayed at his own flat.

To add insult to injury the only time that Trevor had emerged from behind his computer was mid-afternoon in order to enquire whether there was any danger of Luke shifting his arse from the couch and making a cup of tea and some sandwiches. What kind of sandwiches, he had asked, only to have Trevor irritably snap, ‘anything, use your initiative for Pete’s sake.’ So Luke did, getting a barely audible grunt by way of thanks as he slapped a plate of sandwiches and a mug of tea down on the desk. He had watched mesmerised as Trevor munched his way through them while never taking his eyes from the screen in front of him. The last sandwich was consumed and Luke’s best beloved at last spared him a glance.

“They were umm... erm... unusual.” Trevor picked delicately at something caught between his teeth. “Was it a new brand of tuna?”
“Not tuna,” Luke had shaken his head.
“What was it then, fish paste of some kind?”
“Salmon supermeat to be exact. Whiskas brand.”
“Whiskas?” A look of puzzlement had spread across Trevor’s face and he tilted his head to one side looking really rather sweet as he quizzically repeated, “Whiskas?” Then comprehension dawned. He shot to his feet looking as if he might vomit, “you made me cat food sandwiches?”

Luke had edged towards the door. “Well you did say to use my initiative along with ‘anything’ so I did. I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone and feed both you and Otter at the same time. Otter didn’t make any complaints. He loves salmon Whiskas, so I don’t know why you’re in such a flap.” Then he had creased over chuckling, “a cat flap.”

Trevor seemed to lose all sense of proportion and decorum. He lunged for Luke. “I’m going to bloody murder you!”

Luke had legged it clearing the stairs and hurling himself under the bed with his lover in hot pursuit. For once, being a slim lithe five foot eight had an advantage over being a more muscular six foot one, it meant Luke fitted the space under the bed and Trev didn’t.

Trev’s upside down face appeared over the side of the bed. “That was a disgusting thing to do to me.”

Luke ventured to offer crumbs of comfort. “Look on the bright side, Trev. Fish is good for the brain and with all the work you’ve been doing lately I reckon your brain must have needed a power boost. Plus it says on the tin that it has added vitamins that will give you a thick glossy coat, so it might even help halt that patch of hair that’s thinning at the back of your head. I mean you never see a bald moggy do you.”
“I swear, Luke, if you play one more childish practical joke on me I’m going to give you your head in your hands and your balls to play with.” The face disappeared and then the bedsprings creaked as he got up. “You stay under there with the dust mites if you want. I’m going.”
Luke couldn’t resist. “What’s wrong, honey, need to use the cat flap? Maybe we should make a litter tray up.”
“Just you wait. You’ll get your comeuppance.”

Extract from ‘Cat Flap’ a short story. Details here.

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