Jared is on the receiving end of Levi's obsession—or love, depending on the point of view. But Jared's in love with his best friend,Jordan, and has been for years. Jordan feels the same—but it's too late. Jared pushes him away, believing Jordan's in danger.
Jordan is crushed until he discovers Jared's hiding something from him. Something that’s killing him. And in the meantime, Levi's growing stronger every day, drawing Jared in against his will.
The only thing standing between Levi and what he wants is Jordan. And Jordan’s not letting Jared go.
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~*~
Excerpt
“SLOW IT DOWN,” Charlie drawled, but if Jared heard him up ahead, he didn’t respond. Charlie frowned. “Wait!” he called. “Look. Sideshow. We gotta to check it out.” He pointed at a big sign lit by glaring white lights with FREAKS OF THE WORLD painted in lurid green and purple letters. In smaller letters below were SEE THE PICKLED PUNKS and CECILIA – HEAD OF A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, BODY OF A 150 LB. SNAKE!! and finally 320 LB. BABY – IT LIVES!
“Sideshow?” Jared turned back slowly. The color was back in his face.
Jordan and Charlie nodded, grinning.
Jared’s brows rose. “Rubber babies in jars? Photos of rubber babies in jars?”
Jordan and Charlie nodded again, still grinning. “I don’t think there’s a jar big enough to hold a 320 lb. baby,” Charlie added.
“You never know. Marvels and mysteries inside,” Jordan said, sweeping a hand somewhat drunkenly toward the entrance and losing his balance. He recovered without falling, looking startled that he did. Jared cuffed him on the head, seeming to shake off whatever it was that had made him act so strangely.
The barker stood behind a podium at the top of the stairs by the entrance. He wore a red-striped suit and smelled like whiskey, strong enough that they could smell it even though they’d been drinking. The glaring lights bounced off his broad, bald head. He took their money and ushered them inside.
The display cases ran back-to-back down the middle, brightly lit, glassed in and facing outward. Curtains the color of rusty blood lined the walls from top to bottom, dark and blank, keeping the focus on the center of the room.
Jordan and Jared walked over to the largest display. Cecilia the snake girl sat behind plexiglass, wood chips strewn over the floor.
“As advertised,” Jared said, smiling at the girl. “Head of a girl, body of a snake.”
“Damn, that is one heavy shellac job on the snake part,” Jordan said, waving at her with two fingers. “See the mirrors?”
Cecilia smiled, inclined her head. “Want to hear my sad, sad story?” Her lips were bright red, and her dark hair flowed over her snake body.
“Thanks but no thanks,” Jordan said.
“We just wanted to see you,” Jared said, smiling at her. “You’re amazing.”
Cecilia laughed. Her teeth were white and small and perfect. “Aren’t I, though.”
Jordan looked at Jared incredulously as they walked away
“Don’t give me shit, it’s her job,” Jared said, bumping Jordan’s shoulder with his. They moved down the trailer, checking out more of the displays.
“Ugh,” Charlie said, looking through glass at the huge hairless man in a diaper. “If that were my baby I’d shoot it.”
The man grinned at them and scratched his chest. “It’s a living.”
Jared smiled back, and Charlie patted Jared’s back.
“Most of this shit’s just pictures,” Jordan said contemptuously, moving past Jared and Charlie. The floor creaked beneath his steps.
“What’d you expect? I think it’s great,” said Jared.
Charlie reached into one of the cases and tapped glass. “Here’s the jar babies.” He peered closely into the viscous, greenish fluid. “Oh my god, this one’s got two penises.” He frowned. “I think. Kind of hard to tell on a fetus.”
He moved to the next display. This one had another jar inside, a “certified doctor’s statement” in officious-looking print, and a framed article. “Apparently this guy vomits up a gallon of puke every day. This says he tried to stop but he got really sick, and when he did blow, everything that was backed up came on out. It was like Old Faithful. Now he just goes with the flow, so to speak—oh ha ha, they made a funny. He’s in perfect health now,” Charlie said, reading. “Apparently his system has adapted to the acid in the digestive juices. And looky here, a jar of vomit preserved for the curious. Nasty. Looks like any old floating, preserved vomit. I guess.” He rolled his eyes.
Jordan looked in a tall aquarium sitting in one of the display cases. “Devil piranhas from Brazil strip a cow to the bone within minutes!!” he read, then looked in the tank. He sighed. “There’s not even a feeder fish in there to rip up.”
Jared stepped in front of the tank and peered in at the piranhas swimming around.
“One of them is missing an eye. Bet the others ate it. Make you feel better?”He moved off down the row of displays, then stopped before one of them and whistled, long and low. Jordan looked at the case where Jared was standing, seeing only a couple of black and white photos and a yellowed newspaper article taped up alongside them.
“His balls are so big he’s sitting on them,” Jared breathed. He leaned closer and peered at the picture, wrinkling his nose. “Motherfuckers, he is sitting on his balls.” He gestured at the others to come and see.
“That’s not real,” Jordan protested.
“How do you know?
“Because I know. You’re gullible, man.”
“You don’t know. He’s got a bonafide condition. Gigantism of the balls. Poor guy.”
Jared shook his head and then laughed. “How the fuck would you get around with a set like that? A wheel barrel, maybe?” The others crowded around him, peering inside the case.
“Never mind that. How does one even clothe gigantor balls?” Charlie asked.
“Best just to wear a muumuu,” Jordan decided.
“A muumuu.” Jared’s upper lip curled. The florescent light gave his hair a bluish tinge.
“If it were real and if I had those balls, I’d wear a muumuu.”
“Thanks for that mental picture,” Charlie muttered. “Let’s get out of here.” He headed back toward the door. Jared and Jordan followed along slowly.
“Was it everything you hoped for?” Jordan asked Jared as they climbed down the stairs outside.
Jared grinned. “Yeah. It kind of was.”
Jordan laughed. “You’re trashed.”
The barker was silent, no one close enough to try and entice inside. He smirked at them. Jared stared at the light reflecting off his head and stumbled on the bottom step, twisting his ankle. He sat on the ground and pointed up at the guy. “Your head, shit. That is mesmerizing.”
“Fuck you,” said the carny.
“Let me get my shades first,” Jared sneered. The guy laughed.
Charlie put out a hand to pull him up on his feet. “You okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” Jared winced a little but started walking. “Need more booze.”
“Truer words. Come on, guys. Round the back,” Charlie said, pulling them both off the path and stepping over cables behind the sideshow trailer. More cables snaked over the ground, emanating humming electrical sounds. A hedge ran a couple of yards behind the trailer. There were shadows all around.
Charlie pulled the JD out of his pants pocket and looked at it sadly. “We hardly knew you,” he said to it. He took a long swallow, then passed it to Jordan.
Jordan took it, listening to the nonstop cacophony of music in the background. The trailer acted like a buffer between them and the rest of the world, the noise and movement on the other side of it still there but separate. He heard a voice ringing out from the strongman game, back the way they’d come: Who wants to prove they’re a man instead of a boy?
He tipped the bottle skyward, staggering backward into a warm body. Jared wrapped his arms around him. Jordan jerked, surprised, but stayed where he was. His limbs felt heavy, his back warm and comfortable where Jared leaned into him.
A bell clanged. Somebody must have been a man, not a boy, Jordan thought, trying not to think about how his heart was speeding up with Jared wrapped around him.
Charlie moved up close in front of him and leaned in, speaking softly. “Seen you looking at him, Jordan. It’s okay.” He leaned over Jordan’s shoulder, and Jared kissed him.
Jordan’s stomach tightened. “Uh, I don’t want to be the middle of your sandwich. And may I remind you, Charlie, you don’t like me?”
“I have grown to like you,” Charlie said, somewhat drunkenly. “This very night.”
Jared spoke in Jordan’s ear. “Told you. Nobody can dislike you unless they themselves suck ass and are stupid. Which Charlie is not.”
Jordan shivered at Jared’s breath against his ear. He turned his head and looked at him. This close, he felt the heat of Jared’s face, saw stubble catch red light from the double Ferris wheel on the other side of the Midway. Jared’s eyes were wide and happy, the hollows of his cheeks dark with shadow. His mouth curved, watching Jordan watch him. He pressed closer, chin digging into Jordan’s shoulder.
Jordan didn’t move. His heart was thumping in his chest. He thought maybe Jared could hear it.
Jared kissed him on the cheek. “Just inside,” he whispered, “is a guy with huge balls. And you think this is weird?”
“It’s just a picture,” Jordan breathed. He swallowed hard, turned his head a little more and pushed his mouth against Jared’s before he could chicken out. He felt Jared’s lips curve against his and then kiss him back.
Jared’s arms tightened around him. He tasted sweet and boozy, perfect, and suddenly Jordan was leaning back against Jared and moaning, clutching the back of his neck, desperate to pull him closer. It was an awkward position but he didn’t care.
Charlie kissed them from the side, brushed Jordan’s mouth where he and Jared’s mouth met. Jordan pulled back, his eyes meeting Jared’s, confused. Charlie leaned forward, looking at him and asking permission with his eyes, and this time Jordan let him in.
Charlie was a good kisser. Then all three of them were trying to kiss together in an uncoordinated, eager tangle of wet, warm mouths. Jordan had never actually touched another guy this way before, though he’d thought about it. It was overwhelming and insanely hot.
Jared’s hand crept beneath Jordan’s shirt, fingers reaching, stroking skin lazily behind his belt buckle and jeans, his fingers a little rough and dry against his skin. Jordan shivered, thrusting his hips out, and Charlie cupped him through his pants and squeezed, slow and rhythmic, released and squeezed again. Jared smoothed a hand up over his chest, flicking and then rolling Jordan’s nipple between his fingers.
“Fuck, fuck, you guys,” Jordan said, immediately embarrassed at the breathy tone of his voice. His cock jumped and throbbed in his pants, hot and hard. His belly was tight with need. He arched back and turned his face, searching for Jared, and Jared’s mouth descended on his again, slick, their tongues sliding together, hungry, tasting, feeling every wet drag and suck of skin on skin. Charlie’s hand rubbed up and down.
Jordan hoped like hell he could hold back and not blow for a little longer, though he doubted it. Jared’s mouth was doing something insane to his insides. His balls drew up tightly, his legs trembling on the verge of orgasm. He groaned out of desperation, heard himself and stopped, but Jared heard him anyway and kissed him harder, moaning back. Jared’s hand slid underneath the waistband of Jordan’s underwear, rubbing into crisp hair. He touched Jordan’s cock, wrapped fingers around the head and squeezed. Jordan gasped a sound into Jared’s mouth, low and deep and needy.
Charlie unbuttoned and unzipped him, and then his dick was out, bobbing in the night air. It was a relief being freed from against his hot skin, but he still had the urge to cover himself, because even drunk and hidden away behind a trailer, he couldn’t quite forget he was out in public. Jared’s hand left him and he wanted to protest but then Charlie sank to his knees, his mouth on Jordan’s dick, and it was incredible, his tongue swirling all over, sucking, moving up and down. Jordan thrust into his mouth, hips rocking. He leaned back against Jared, squeezing his eyes together tightly, his hand around the back of Jared’s neck. Their tongues tangled together wildly, Jared making low noises into Jordan’s mouth.
He knew it wasn’t fair, it was small and maybe mean, though he didn’t mean it that way, but he couldn’t help it. The alcohol and the dark opened up something from under lockdown inside him. He couldn’t shut it out. He opened his eyes, pulled away a fraction and looked into Jared’s pale eyes, nearly all pupil now, wide and warm, and he whispered, “Want it to be you.” Jared closed his eyes a minute, looking almost pained, and then he covered Jordan’s mouth with his own again, harder and rougher this time, out of control. He moved against Jordan, unzipping himself, and Jordan felt Jared’s dick rubbing against his ass, smooth dry heat sliding up and down.
Jordan shivered, his dick leaping in Charlie’s mouth, and Charlie made a deep sound that buzzed into Jordan’s cock, his balls tightening further. Then he was coming, spasms pulling from deep inside him into Charlie’s throat. His legs trembled and his knees buckled a little before Jared caught him tighter to him, panting in his ear and then biting his earlobe, a sharp pain that sent him flying, heightening his orgasm further into something wrenching and sharp, incredible. Jordan clamped his mouth together but the sounds he made escaped anyway. It was like a catalyst for Jared, thrusting up and pushing against Jordan. Jordan felt Jared’s cock jerk against him, and it was the next best thing to coming again, feeling the thrum and pound of Jared’s heart against his back, the hitching breaths hot against his ear as Jared’s come spilled out of him.
Charlie stood up, wiping his mouth, and Jared opened his eyes, blinking, dazed. All three of them moved in closer and just looked at each other. Charlie leaned forward, hungry, and Jared swallowed his mouth. It made something curl and burn inside Jordan’s chest. He didn’t want to feel that way about Charlie, not after tonight. He put a hand to Charlie’s waist but Jared was already there, unzipping him, and then both of their hands were on Charlie’s cock, sliding over him, rubbing precome into his skin. Charlie groaned and threw his head back, stumbling a little, and Jared caught him and put his back against the trailer, making a small thudding sound. Charlie’s dick throbbed beneath Jordan’s palm. Jordan was surprised at how fine it felt.
“Fuck, fuck,” Charlie whispered. Jared looked him in the eyes and jacked him fast and furious, so that Jordan gave up and moved away a little, suddenly not wanting to look, knowing that being jealous was ridiculous. Charlie and Jared were together, he knew that.
Charlie whispered Jordan’s name, so that Jordan had to look. He saw something in Charlie’s eyes that said maybe he understood more than Jordan wanted him to know. Charlie beckoned, and Jordan looked at Charlie’s soft eyes, the need in his face. He leaned in and kissed him, all energy and fury, taking it out on him a little, that he should know and understand. Charlie’s head banged into the back of the trailer.
Jordan looked down and saw Charlie’s dick in Jared’s fist, head appearing and disappearing, red and swollen. Charlie gasped and Jordan bit his lip, hearing the sudden intake of breath against his mouth. Charlie’s body bowed out from the trailer, straining. His cock jerked, come spurting dimly upward in the gloom and curving into the air.
“Fuck,” Jared whispered, watching.
Charlie and Jordan looked at him, his lips swollen and red, curling at the corner, and then Charlie closed his eyes and slumped against the trailer. Jordan could just see the glint of gold lashes by the lights of the Midway. Then he looked at Jared again, thinking. Jared looked back but didn’t say anything.
A shadow came between them. Jordan blinked. It was so odd—one minute just the three of them were there, and next a stranger stood in the middle of them, dark-haired, good-looking, wearing jeans and a tight T-shirt that showed his trim body. He was a couple of years older at most. It was as if he’d appeared from nowhere.
“Who are—” Jordan started to speak and then stopped, watching Jared, because Jared didn’t look at all surprised at the sight of the guy standing in their midst. A myriad of emotions flew over Jared’s face, anger and fear and other things that Jordan couldn’t understand but that made his stomach drop.
“Do you know him?” he asked Jared. He tried to fight the sluggishness settling over him. He needed to understand what was happening.
Jared wouldn’t look at him. Charlie looked at Jordan questioningly. Jordan shook his head as Jared straightened, facing the guy.
“I tried,” the stranger said before Jared could speak. He laid a hand on Jared’s chest.
“I really did. I can’t. I don’t know how. I think about you all the time.”
“You know I’m going to college? Trying to make a life for myself.” Jared’s face had gone bone white. His fists clenched at his sides and he swallowed. “Please don’t.”
“I know. I can’t—don’t ask me to leave. I need you. I’m so cold all the time.”
“Jared—” Jordan started again.
The stranger looked at him with burning eyes. His lips didn’t move, but Jordan heard a voice speaking in his head, low and intimate. Jared knows me. I’m Levi. I need to talk to him. Jordan opened his mouth but nothing came out. His voice was gone. Terror rushed into his chest, sudden and tight. He tried to move and couldn’t.
Levi turned back to Jared. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?” Jared pleaded. “Why me?”
“I read your blood, you know. Your thoughts, your hopes.”
“That’s not an answer!” Jared’s voice shook. “There has to be something. A reason.”
Levi shook his head. “I don’t know. You’re just … you. You’re beautiful. Nobody else measures up.”
“I’m not. I don’t want to be anything to you,” Jared said, loud and sharp.
Levi flinched. “Don’t say that. Part of you does or I wouldn’t be here.”
Jared nodded, deflating suddenly. His fists unclenched and his shoulders sagged. “Doesn’t matter anyway, does it. Doesn’t change anything.” He looked gray and sick.
“Just leave them alone, okay?” He looked at Charlie and Jordan. “They’re my friends. Don’t hurt them.”
Levi nodded. “I know. I won’t.”
“You can wipe their memories, can’t you?” Jared’s voice was flat and dull, not really a question in it.
Levi nodded again. “When they look at me, I can speak to them. Tell them to forget, tell them … ” he shrugged. “Anything.” He looked at Charlie and Jordan in turn and smiled, sudden and sharp, a predator. “I smell them. And you.”
Jared blinked hard and looked at the ground. Levi stepped close and put a hand to Jared’s jaw, made him look up at him, and then shoved him against the trailer. Jared’s body thumped against it. He looked over at Jordan, terrified. Then he closed his eyes, as if afraid of what else Jordan might see.
Jordan tried to speak. Words piled and dammed up in his throat until he thought he would choke, but he couldn’t force them out. He tried moving, but he couldn’t make himself take a step. He pushed himself, tried harder. It felt as if were using up all his strength, his oxygen, but he couldn’t do it. It felt crazy, like he was stuck in a prison, stiff and cold. Only the prison was his body. He didn’t feel connected to it.
He could see Charlie from the corner of his eye, standing beside him. He couldn’t seem to move, either. Both of them stood and watched Levi talk to Jared, his voice a cold cloud of ice rising in the night air. Jordan didn’t understand. The night air was warm.
Levi stroked Jared’s jaw. He lowered his mouth to Jared’s and kissed him. Jared’s fingers curled and dug into the wall. His body was rigid. Levi murmured something in his ear, then buried his face in Jared’s neck. He unfastened Jared’s jeans, his hand disappearing inside.
Jared’s arm came up and wrapped around Levi. Strangled, panting noises came from his throat. He didn’t look at Jordan or Charlie. Levi’s hand moved faster. Jared’s body twisted and writhed, and then he was coming again, moaning, tears streaming down his face.
Jordan wanted to vomit. He wanted to kill Levi. He tried again with everything he had to make himself move, to push Levi away, hit him, make him stop touching Jared, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t turn away from Jared’s choked, helpless arousal or the shame in his eyes afterward.
All he could do was watch the bottom drop out of his world. Then even that was gone, forgotten.
Now Available from JMS Books LLC!
Now Available from JMS Books LLC!
Now Available from JMS Books LLC!
Now Available from JMS Books LLC!
Now Available from JMS Books LLC!
Now Available from JMS Books LLC!
